maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
