So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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