capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
