how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
