***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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