i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
