Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
