his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
