Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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