oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
