she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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