If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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