in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
