I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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