I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
