I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
