We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
