why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
