it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
