Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
