Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
