Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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