the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
