hotel room ftw
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
