So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
