we made out on top of his cat.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
