I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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