yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
