so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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