I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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