you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
