There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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