So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
