This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
