i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
