If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
