when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
