Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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