My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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