is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
