Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
