We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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