the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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