i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
