I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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