I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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