It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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