It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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