Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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