A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
