He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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