I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
