do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
