Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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