Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
