Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
