but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
