five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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