Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Randomize
