We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
