Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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