Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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