I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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