he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
