i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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