i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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