why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
