You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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