the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
