I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
