I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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