I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
