My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
