Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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