am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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