Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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