pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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