white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
