its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
